I live with the very wrong decision that I made...

Here is a testimony from a parishioner who was moved to write following the SPUC White Flower Appeal that was held here on Sunday 11th January. My thanks to Professor Tom Healy who gave the appeal.

Listening to the talk a few weeks ago about SPUC I came out of Church feeling as if a massive weight had been lifted off my shoulders when I heard the words "all those unborn babies go to heaven." I felt they were safe.

Even through my selfishness some good has come for these babies I chose not to have.

I live with the very wrong decision that I made not once but twice and wish every day that I could turn back the clock and un-do the wrong I chose to make things right for myself.

The first time I was young and had a 6mth old child and had just recovered from cervical problems and it seemed at the time to be almost justifiable. I know now that it was not.

The second time was just pure selfishness from both parties. 100% inexcusable. We already had a number of children and "this new addition" just didn't fit into our busy materialistic lives. There was no room for one more!

I laid in the bath the morning of the termination placed my hand over my flat stomach and thought "it's not too late to change my mind." But things were arranged and I tried to convince myself it was the "right" thing to do.

I had no one to ask... "Help me do what deep down I know is right, tell me it's wrong." I had no one to put their hand out to me and say ... "I'm here for you, it's going to be fine." I was alone.

I have been to confession many times since but am still tormented by the grief and the unjust choices that I made for those two tiny lives that depended totally on me.

Forgiveness has to begin with forgiving myself.

I am happy for this to be read out at Mass or passed on to SPUC in the hope that it prevents other women making the same mistakes as I have.

Amen!